Stress

It's been a while since I've posted.  I have had a rough summer.  The heat here, much like the rest of the East Coast, is unbearable.  Add to that a teenage boy with AS and ODD, a job I hate and the "promised one" no where in sight and limited visits home to Virginia to see my family has made me a stressed out eating mess.  Yesterday I just realized that I'd not taken my probiotics in a week.  I don't get on the scale often but thought I was looking a little fuller in my lower abdominal area and lo and behold-when I got on the scale I wasn't happy with what I saw.  Needless to say, I've not been thoughtfully eating.  Well, that isn't totally true.  I have been very conscious of staying away from candy bars, soda and baked goods even though I've really wanted them.  My carbs are high...I know that and honestly, I don't think the carbs are my weight issue...it's the hidden sugars.  I have gotten weak in my date night dinners and have added dessert in addtion to my "treat" margaritas.  When date night started, I was thrilled to have the margarita and relished it.  Now, with my stress levels and emotions in a negative place, I'm using the 'ritas and dessert as coping mechanisms.  I have also returned to the very bad habit of eating once a day-dinnner.  I've had nothing but coffee for the day more days this past week than I want to admit.
So, this week I began looking for another job in earnest.  I would love to leave this job immediately but unfortunately, it doesn't look like that will happen.  I will continue to plug along and I'm going to make myself a priority.  I have a lot of paperwork to complete by Sunday evening but I also want to take the time to set myself up for success this next week so I don't feel so bad.  I want to iron my clothes and make lunch for the week so I don't have to scramble to get it done in the morning.  I also want to make a large batch of tea-spearmint and a new one that is green tea with ginger, coconut and lemon grass.  Just doing these few simple things, I hope will help with some of the stress next week.  I also intend to use the tracker again until things settle down for me.
Are any of you introverts?  I am and I don't go out of my way to make friends or engage folks in small talk.  However, it has become painfully clear to me that I might need to find a friend who lives within 50 miles of me! :-) 

What I've been eating lately & websites

So, as I've written, I purchased a CASE of GG crispbreads.  Well, to date, I have had tuna salad on them, as well as, turkey sloppy joes, Costco's spinach/artichoke/parm dip, good 'ole PB&J and sliced tomato and cheese.  I have avocados and Laughing Cow cheese that I want to try this week too.  I regularly eat chocolate VitaTop muffins-from Costco.  I've had my period this week so the muffin and BAGS of popcorn have been a nightly regular and therefore my system has been "regular"! (hee, hee)  I have enjoyed the farmer's market and my CSA box.  I've had miniture plums, blueberries, strawberries, tomatoes and a variety of squashes.  My family's favorite summer salad is a strawberry/spinach/feta with balsamic.  I ordered more stuff from Netrition.com-apricot and peach Nature's Hollow preserves and Orange Creme Barlean's Omega Swirl which I add to my plain greek yogurt-YUMMY!  I still take Dr. Murray's 12/12 probiotics and drink Smartwater, SoBe 0 and iced coffee.  I prefer flavored coffee to using flavored stevia but since I don't always make the coffee in the morning (husband always makes plain) I have both on hand.  Every Thursday is date night with my husband at the local mexican restaurant and I enjoy their $1 margaritas and chili verde.  At least one night a week we get pizza-where it comes from varies and we have a salad with it.  I am really proud of myself for packing lunch twice already this week and plan to finish the week out taking lunch with me.  I had gotten into a bad habit of eating lunch out on the road (I travel across 5 counties to do my job) either at McDonald's (actually, I eat breakfast there-egg mcmuffin & unsweet tea), Subway & Wendy's.  I'm going to boil a few eggs tonight to make egg salad for tomorrow's crispbread topping.
What are your staples? Challenges? Favorite crispbread toppings?
I've discovered that I am doing the bulk of "my" grocery shopping (vs. the family) online....are you too?  I shop between 3 different websites for different things.....would LOVE the convinience of one-stop-shopping but what's a girl to do :-D  Where are you shopping?  What are the deals/shipping?  Here are mine-
http://www.allstarhealth.com/  they have $5.95 shipping and I buy my probiotics from them-cheapest I've found
http://www.netrition.com/ they have $4.95 shipping and I buy Nature's Hollow, Barlean's, Zevia, Pasta, GG crispbreads and stevia from them
http://www.totalhealth.com/ has free shipping on orders over $85 and under 5 pounds.  I had ordered my probiotics from them but their price went up, they have Barlean's and stevia products as well as a full line of NOW products that I occassionally partake of.

Converts

A few weeks ago my supervisor mentioned that she was doing Weight Watchers to lose weight for upcoming graduations she would be attending.  I asked her how it was going and she said she had a lot to lose before the events.  So what did I do?  I told her that if she dropped the sugar and increased her fiber she'd lose more weight and quickly.  I explained the basics of 15 grams of sugar and 24 or more grams of fiber per day and to READ labels.  I wrote down my favorite and easy to find BFC products and over the last 2 weeks have shared some products with her.  She is doing a combined WW and BFC-ish program and is doing very well.  She is consistent with a 2-3 pound loss per week which is good.  Her husband has started doing this as well and he has already lost 19 pounds!  I enjoy helping her out a little and sharing the evils of sugar with her.  She is SO happy and excited with the acceleration of her weight loss....she even told me that the WW folks were concerned she was losing too much too quickly!
Last week I took her a package of the GG Scandinavian Crispbreads and she shared them with her husband and they both really liked them.  She has since placed an order for a few packages to get her through the next couple of weeks.  She even shared that her BMs have been like nothing she has ever experienced before.  I told her that I completely understood.  She asked if she needed the probiotic and since she hasn't abused sucralose/Splenda like I did for years unwittingly, I told her no.  If the crispbread is doing wonders for you, save the $ for new clothes and IF the crispbreads don't work as effectively then incorporate the probiotics. 
I'm glad I shared this information with her and she feels that these changes are something she can stick with.  I feel like I'm getting a little BFC refresher course when she asks me questions and it has motivated me to be more mindful of what I am eating.  I really do like the crispbreads and their versatility.  I haven't had PB&J for quite some time and that has been my favorite way to eat the crispbread since receiving my order and the Nature's Hollow berry preserves.  I look forward to discovering other tasty ways to get fantastic filling fiber into my diet :-)

GG Scandinavian Bran Crispbread

I finally bit the bullet and ordered a CASE of these from Netrition.com.  They arrived quickly and the first night I had them I ate 4 with tuna salad.  After the 3rd one, I could tell my belly was bloating and getting full.  Needless to say, today I did MUCH better even with my excitement.  I ate my usual Uncle Sam's cereal with some berry Barlean's Flax oil and an iced coffee.  For lunch I had 2 crispbreads with some Kirkland's brand organic peanut butter and Nature's Hollow berry preserves....absolutely delicious and filling!  For dinner I ate some spaghetti with Barilla fiber pasta...very good and for dessert, a chocolate Vitatop Muffin.  Total fiber consumption for today....30+ grams!  The difficulty is getting all the fluids in!
I cannot tell you how thrilled I am to have ordered these crispbreads and preserves from netrition.com.  I am very happy with the speed of delivery as well.  The foods are delicious and the crispbreads truly do fill you up quickly.  You definitely need to drink with these and I find it more palatable to top them with something moist.

Rewards

Like most folks, I've rewarded myself with food and shopping sprees for clothes.  What I've discovered is food shouldn't always be the reward and I've got too many clothes!  I spent a recent Saturday "shopping" in my own closet and was amazed at how much I had to donate because the clothes are too big!  Actually, I felt mixed about it, on the one hand, hooray for the weight loss but on the other, boo for the $ wasted.
I have opted to reward myself with things that will keep me motivated to eat well.  I have a HomeGoods store here where I live.  I like to go there and look at what they have as far as dishes, glasses and pans.  I have found dishes and bowls that are beautiful Italian ceramic that I eat my meals from.  I have also purchased unique and pretty glasses.  I buy only one-not a set, to emphasize that this is for ME.  I really enjoy eating off of beautiful dishes and pretty glasses certainly encourage fluid consumption.
I was also very thrilled to discover glass water bottles at HomeGoods.  I had read about them in magazines but hadn't seen them and just by chance I found them at HomeGoods.  I bought 4 of them and they are pretty-butterfly and flower designs on the glass.
So, when you hit your next milestone, reward yourself with something that encourages you to continue on your healthy path and brings you joy!

Maintaining

So, like Amber (Me and Jorge), I've been on the BFC lifestyle for 6 months and I've lost 16 pounds.  I am pleased with where I am with my weightloss and have maintained this for about 2 months.  Would I like to lose more? Yes.  Have I been following the plan 100% like Amber?  No.
I think my biggest issue when I began BFC was the size of my pants.  I was wearing size 14 and I'd never worn that size before.  I also hated the fact that my boobs were regularly sitting on my belly.  Once I got back into the 150's my pant size went down and once I hit the 140's I was able to buy some new pants....size 8 jeans and size 10 dress pants.  I haven't been regimented in following all of the BFC criteria...I've been mostly following the sugar rule.  I admit that some evenings, my husband and I have date night at the local mexican restaurant on .99 margarita night and I'll have 2 of those.  I also admit to having 2 of McDonald's flavored coffees.  I tried the caramel frappe and last summer I lived off the iced caramel coffee.  I've had 2 iced caramel coffees in the last month.
For those reading this who are currently on the BFC plan, if you haven't gotten the message from others yet, automation of your meals is key.  I've started a new temporary job waiting for my "real" job to start in July (fingers crossed).  For the last year I've only worked part time and now I'm working full time and I am finding it difficult to get going in the mornings.  I've had 2 or 3 days where I actually packed all my food for the day and ate it.  I went so far as to buy a new cooler and I've not used it as well as I'd envisioned.  Bathing suit weather is here and I'm close to getting into one but not just yet.....flab.
Yes, how long have I been mentioning core exercises so I can wear that bathing suit?!  Have I done it? Nope.  Honestly, I'm exhausted from the job and the thought of exercise makes me tired!  However, I know I have at least 15 minutes every morning that I could start doing something to deal with the flab.  Maybe I need to hang my bathing suit in the bathroom where my last good beach picture is and use that as motivation and reminder of the goal.  I would really love to get back to the 130's. 
I guess it is one meal at a time, 15 minutes of core work a day-away.

Earth Hour

On Tuesday of this passing week, my family and I watched this movie.  If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it.  I have known for quite some time that processed foods and fertilizers were not good for us or the environment and this past fall I read The Jungle by Upton Sinclair.  It is sad what "the industry" has been able to get away with for so long.
On Wednesday I began reading the first of 3 books by Michael Pollan who is featured in the movie and actually goes into much greater detail of what is happening with food.  I also highly recommend these books.
The image below does not show his book Food Rules and I don't plan to read The Botany of Desire at this time.

For the last 2 years I have been incorporating as much organic food my budget could afford for the family.  I am lucky to have a fantastic Farmers Market that runs from April to Oct/November each year and a local co-op that features healthy products of all kinds.  This year I was able to buy a membership with a local organic CSA (community supported agriculture).  For the fee I am getting 1/2 bushel of fresh organic produce for $18.75/week.  I don't think that is a bad deal at all.  In fact, it is cheaper than what I was paying going to the Farmers Market (tho' I will continue to go for other items).  I have also just recently become aware of another CSA that supports NC farmers in general.  Unfortunately, the farm is not organic tho' the coordinator of this CSA says they do things sustainably and thoughtfully....which leaves me questioning whether to sign up for this or not.  My husband keeps going back and forth which is driving me crazy :-)
Anyway, what does this have to do with the blog?
Well-a lot in my opinion.  BFC is loaded with processed foods and lots of the WRONG kind of fats.  I have mentioned before in other posts that I have taken the sugar information from Jorge and added it to The Flat Belly Diet that I tried and liked 2 years ago.  I really appreciate the work that Amber (meandjorge.com) has put into finding low carb/high fiber food....I really want to get my hands on a package of those GG crispbreads!  Jorge doesn't really explain the science and studies that support the 15/6 ratio.  He gives plenty of video and links to support information about sugar and what it does to us but not so much the carbs and why this 15/6 ratio.  I figured out that it really needs to be about unprocessed high fiber carbs and nothing crazy with the amount.  Honestly, if we eat high fiber the bulk makes us feel full and we stop eating.  I've got the family on quinoa...rice will be the exception...even brown/wild rice.  I haven't had white rice in years.
So for Earth Hour (which here on the East Coast is 830pm) my family is going to sit and chat about Food Inc. by candle light.  I have held off having the discussion so everyone would have enough time to process what they saw and heard.  I need time to process information myself and the timing works out really well.
I am one of a family of four.  Tonight, as a family, we may agree that we are willing and wanting to eat more simply and sustainably which means eating more grains and produce and reducing our meat consumption (we already have meatless Mondays and at least one other night a week without meat).  Once we work through what meat we have in the freezer, I will only purchase organic meat.  We do not eat beef - chicken and pork primarily and some seafood occasionally (that is another discussion in and of itself!).
I encourage you to see the movie-I rented it from Netflix.  Michael Pollan's books I got from Overstock.com and I will be purchasing the movie from them as well.  Please participate in Earth Hour...we go so far as to flip all the breakers for the hour so we are truly "off the grid".

Quick Update

I am trilled to announce that I've lost 3 pounds!  After sitting at a plateau for months, I dropped another 3 and during "that time of the month" no less :-)  If I can drop another 10 pounds, I'll be thrilled.  Needless to say, I am very motivated now.  Spring has come to coastal North Carolina and I love being outside now.  In June, it will be another story but for now, it is great!  So to celebrate, I exfoliated and pulled out the TanTowels and started my tan today :-)  No pasty blue legs for this girl.

I will write more, a few topics to share but just wanted to share this for now!  Good luck :-)

Zevia Give Away @ meandjorge-Amber

Zevia Give Away

Amber of meandjorge has a Zevia give away going on right now.  Zevia is absolutely fantastic!  I've tried all the flavors with the exception of their newest one-Dr. Zevia which is supposed to taste like Dr. Pepper (one of my fave sodas).  I have even used the sodas when making a cocktail...like Zevia cola and vanilla vodka, Twist with citrus vodka, Black Cherry with vanilla vodka...as you can imagine, it could go on and on!

Here is Amber's website to enter-

www.meandjorge.com

Good luck!

Bothered

Hello

Is anyone else getting bombarded with Jorge's latest plan for those of us in our 40s?  I'm still reeling from the $400 price tag of the last "coaching class" that netted a loss of 13 pounds....not the 30 his "hook" claimed I would lose.
Well, first time shame on you, Jorge...this 40 year old isn't falling for another get rich quick scheme for you.

Okay, enough of my time on that.  It has been 3 weeks now since I last posted something.  I've been very busy and was laid off from a job that I loved the kids I worked with but couldn't stand the company.  Fortunately I was able to land a part time gig as a contracted consultant to get a program up and running at another agency.....full time employment may follow.  Then there is the ever present tension, frustration and "ICK" of living with 2 teenagers.

How has the "life style" been?  Well, considering that I've eaten King Cake every week since the last blog entry and I've not gained anything says a lot.  I married into a Cajun family and between the Super Bowl and Mardi Gras, it has been a nonstop party since the playoffs.  Fortunately, the King Cake supplier has ceased making the deliciously divine "crack".
I did neglect to take the probiotics for about 2 weeks and that really threw a wrench into the mix so I ate those pills like candy for a week and now I'm back on track.

The goal is to get automated again.  I've let that go since January and it really lends itself to me over eating at dinner time.  My body has already "changed time" so I am getting sleepy earlier and waking up earlier and that is a definite plus.  I'm not sleeping the morning away and then rushing to work.  I get up and have coffee, get on the computer and then eat something but not enough as I am almost "binge" eating at dinner!  So, again, automating is key.


Nice discovery since I've been gone from the blog....2 more followers, welcome, and I can NOW LEAVE COMMENTS!! Woo Hoo!  Needless to say, Amber (meandjorge) was the first to get a comment :-)


Have a great week!

Whoops!

Hi there!

First let me say thank you for your comments.  Unfortunately, I cannot leave comments anywhere....my blog or others for some unknown reason.  Amber has been great in trying to help me resolve this issue but alas, nothing :(  Please believe me that I would respond to each of you if I could figure out what is wrong.

I've kinda fallen off the wagon this past week or so.  I'm not making eating a priority.  Most days I am eating at 2pm and then again at 730pm and that's it.  I've eaten Subway 2x this week, Arby's once and mexican dinner "date night" last night.  'Tis the season for King Cake and with the Saints headed to the Super Bowl, I've gone gangbusters with the cake..........however, I am proud to say that it has been the ONLY sugar I've indulged in.  My issue seems to be the carbs lately NOT sugar......a huge change from the past.  I have also been really lax about the probiotics.  It's the stress I'm dealing with....job, finances, teens and hubby.  The hubs and I are working on a new role for me and I'm having difficulty making the transition but I do believe it will be for the best and I'm glad he has finally HEARD what I've been begging for over the last 7 years.  I have applied for 2 jobs and got a surprise potential job offer too.  Next week I interview for one and have to call about the other.
Sleeping is my favorite thing to do and so I do try to make the most of it and get a lot of it :-D  However, I really need to get my hours under control.  I've been staying up until 1-2am and sleeping until 10-1030am.  My current job allows such a schedule but I know that will come to an end if I get a job elsewhere.
I must also admit a new preoccupation (which has kept me from this blog).  I constantly play FarmVille on Facebook.  What a dork right?
So, I've had to take a hard look at what I've been doing....especially since Amber is totally ROCKIN' it...WOO HOO and way to GO!  I live on the coast of North Carolina so beach season is only 3 months away.  I've gotta buckle down and lose at least 8 more pounds.  I started BFC at 161 and I'm now 148.  I would LOVE to get to 130 but I've not seen that number in a long time.  I'm now 40 so I guess 140 is more realistic....maybe even 135?  I need to order the cookbooks I mentioned in the last entry and start doing some core exercises.....and EATING :-)
My next entry is going to be full of forward movement, NOT stagnation.  Again, thanks for reading and commenting and have a GREAT week!

Rough Day

So today it has been rough with food.  I am definitely eating emotionally.  My job is up in the air....and I'm under-employed as it is.  Next week my favorite kid leaves the program I run so there is no telling if I'll ever see her again and I worry for her.  I haven't had a brownie since October and I am craving one like my life depends on it!  I haven't been doing well making sure I eat at least 3 meals and 2 snacks a day so that certainly hasn't helped matters at all.  I basically binge eat when I get home as that has been the only meal I've consumed for the day.
I went to Costco on Monday to grocery shop and saw that they finally had Jorge's book in stock.  I flipped through it and decided not to buy it.  After the 13 weeks and the videos and discussion on the boards, I don't think I need it.  I have to admit, I have mixed feelings about Jorge and his "cure".  I've been doing a lot of research about him and his anti-sugar predecessors.  I understand the basics of Jorge's plan (tho' he never really explained the science or foundation for the 15/6 ratio during the online coaching experience) and use that in addition to monitoring fiber and yes, the meals of the Flat Belly Diet.  When I am actually eating properly, I graze all day.  Morning starts out with a leisurely cup of coffee or two and then around 11am I eat Uncle Sams cereal.  Then for lunch at around 130-230pm I have a wrap or two with tuna and spinach, eggs and cheese, chicken and spinach and then around 5pm I eat a snack of nuts, olives or cheese.  At 7 or 730pm I eat dinner....protein and veggie and a glass of wine.
I really need to make it a priority to eat.  I have gone from 161.6 pounds (Oct. 19, 2009) to maintaining 148 for the last month.  If I ate regularly it would probably start going down again and if I added some exercise it would definitely go down.
I have not prepared well for the day when my brownie craving would return.  The Green & Black's chocolate is great but doesn't do a great job substituting as a brownie.  I have researched some Stevia cookbooks and plan to purchase two.  I think since some of my fellow BFCers are blogging about recipes I'll join the bandwagon (and honor Julie & Julia) and blog about recipes from the Stevia cookbooks.

Another use for flavored liquid stevia

So I have found another use that is quite yummy for flavored liquid stevia.......I put it in my Uncle Sams cereal.  I have used the french vanilla flavor and breakfast has become something I look forward to now.  I have been so impressed by this I've yet to try my other flavors...not too sure that the citrus ones would be that good but I wonder if it would be like eating fruit loops or fruity pebbles?  I have used hazelnut and french vanilla in my coffee and it is very good.  I would like to find lime flavor to use for mojitos and margaritas.  I can use the lemon flavor for a Tom Collins.

Barlean's Oils

If you haven't tried the Barlean's brand flax and fish oils....oh, what sweet health you've been missing!  I had not tried them earlier in the BFC program due to its cost.  However, Total Health discount vitamins (website) sent me an email with an 11% off coupon.  I needed more probiotics anyway so I looked to see if they carried Barlean's and they do!  I was lucky enough to find both the berry and chocolate raspberry flavors and ordered one bottle of each.  With the discount and no tax or shipping costs, I paid around $23/bottle vs. $30.  Last night I was craving something sweet and looked at my tracker and saw that I'd not had enough MUFAs for the day so I went to the fridge and opened the berry omega swirl flavor.  KA-POW!  Berry explosion in my mouth...very creamy and sweet...almost too sweet since I've been on Stevia for 3 months.  My mind began working on ways to use this sweet nectar.  So, this morning, I added some of the berry omega swirl to my Uncle Sams cereal.  I was very light in my application of the oil not knowing how it would mix with cereal and almond milk but it flavored the cereal fabulously.  I was also worried about making the cereal too sweet based on my spoonful of oil last night but it turned out well.  I can see using the berry flavor as a salad dressing...especially for summer salads.  Just a drizzle for a wonderful very berry flavor.
I have been researching Stevia cookbooks as I've yet to bake anything sweet.  I absolutely LOVE brownies but Jorge's recipe uses Joseph's maltitol syrup....that stuff makes me feel horrible.  I bought Joseph's maple syrup and I will probably throw it away as maltitol and I do not like each other.  I've also read some conflicting reports about maltitol so instead of making the mistake I made with Splenda, I'll go with Stevia.  Yes, I've recently heard it may effect fertility but I've no interest in having kids and I'm 40 so it is a non-issue for me.
So, when I get my Stevia cookbooks I can totally see using both oils as the "extra" for the goodies.  Clemmy's ice cream isn't an option for me either....same issues as with Joseph's.  I did buy some Fage greek yogurt at Costco and look forward to flavoring it with the chocolate raspberry tonight as my dessert.
I would like to ask that if you happen to find a website that carries Barlean's at a good price to let me know about it.  This is a product that will become a staple in my fridge just like liquid stevia.  Run, run, run to the store or web to get a bottle :)

Happy 2010 Everyone!

Happy 2010!
I hope you and your families had a safe and wonderful holiday season.  Although the shortest visit of the last 4 or more years, I was still able to go home to my family in Virginia and spend 6 days with them.  I love that even at 40, I have my Mom tuck me in on Christmas Eve and wake me up Christmas Day.  While home I was able to do pretty well on the program.  I did choose to indulge in sweets that are significant for us at this time of year but I kept it sane.  Normally I would have taken a lot of holiday food treats home with me and purchased/made more while home but not this year. This is the first year that I didn't have eggnog!   My Mom did pretty well with understanding my "latest" food restrictions but I really think she may have been impressed by the 13 pound weight loss since Halloween (that was the last time she saw me).  My pants were noticeably baggy and honestly, the seat of them looks like I am carrying a "load" if you know what I mean ;-)
JC Penny had corduroys on sale the day after Christmas for $10 so I bought 2 new pair in colors I didn't already have and they fit much better tho' they are cut in the thighs to accommodate saddlebags (which I don't have) so they still look a little funny but no "load".
I did gain 2 pounds but I do believe most, if not all of it was due to fiber.  I didn't eat anywhere near 30 grams while at home.  I stayed hydrated, took the probiotics but still felt bloated so I think it was a "false fat" issue.  I didn't have internet access while home so I missed 2 weeks of classes but watched them New Year's Eve.  They were okay but nothing spectacular.  I've read the other blogs and have found them very interesting.  I have also checked out Amazon to see how the book is doing.  I was in Costco last Wednesday and they didn't have his book but they did have the paperback version of Flat Belly Diet which I've done and basically still do just adding the S/C/F from this program.  I find that "mashing" the two together makes a more complete lifestyle and when I do follow it to a "T", I am never hungry.
As we begin this new year I realize that I need to make some changes.  I believe I've got the healthful eating on it's way but I am unhealthy in other ways.  I am chronically unhappy...with my underemployment, my marriage and husband's children and I am isolated.  I am still nursing the hurt of soul mate friend moving away and not working to keep our friendship strong and alive...I am being forgotten and may very well have been forgotten if I didn't make myself email her.  I really need a positive outlet but can't seem to figure out what that would be.  Finances are tight right now so I can't sign up to take a class or anything.  I find it difficult to "deal with" people outside of my professional obligations...not one for small talk or social games.  That was what was so great about L until she moved away.  We had so much in common and yet were quite different.  I just wish I knew why she's abandoned me.  This is incredibly painful and May will make it 3 years since she left.
So, having said all that, this is the year I need to work on being happier.  I must find a full time job and that will eventually lead to me being self-employed by 2011.  I want to wear a bikini on the beach this year.  I want to find something that I can do that makes me feel good...be it take classes and learn a hobby, volunteer, or perhaps find a friend.
I wish you a year full of hope, health, happiness, success and love.